I am pale, well, I think I am so, my friends who are paler than me don’t think so but I have fairly light skin. So is my daughter, she likes to comment how her dad isn’t; she has mentioned once, actually more than once, how I’m white, she’s white, her brother is white, and Daddy is brown.
If you read our about me you will have seen that I said I am not married. I’m not. My boyfriend Caspar and I have been together for five years.
Have you caught on yet?
This is was on our last trip to South Haven, MI back in September. As you can see Caspar has more color to his skin than the kids, he does look lighter than usual in these pictures but I never thought about how much darker he really is until my daughter started to talk about it more and more.
I’m not worried that this bothers my daughter, at least yet, I dread the day it comes. I feel that she’s making an observation until she understands that Daddy is from Taiwan so he looks a bit different from us. And when I say I dread the day this comes, it’s because of how other people still act towards our family.
One incident, I wasn’t there for, an older women refused to leave the two of them alone because she didn’t believe he was her dad. People stare at us and people have asked if he was her real dad. It’s bound to happen, something I have almost gotten used to. I sometimes want to ask people if they think I should have continued my family with a white man, it’s silly I know. I don’t mind people asking about our family, as long as they’re nice about it.
He is the only dad she has ever known.
And people have shamed me for this.
That’s right, shamed me because my children have different fathers. Isn’t that crazy? I think it is because I can’t believe people still act this way about the matter. How dare I allow my children have different fathers because I should be fighting for the man who never wanted my daughter.
It’s one thing I am still working on in counseling because I’m still angry about it. I’ll admit it; I’m angry because I still can’t believe it and I’m worried how she will handle it when she’s older. I have thought about it many times, what am I going to say to her? How will she react? What will people say to her because it’s so obvious that her Daddy isn’t her biological father? Will this change her and Caspar’s relationship?
People say it’s my fault, I chose to have her. I thought about myself and not him. I’ve heard this said about other mother’s too. Because it is only our fault, according to society. I guess that’s really where most of my anger towards this is, I’m not going to fight for him to be in her life. I’m not. I’ve seen friends do that and it’s left their kids with empty promises from their biological fathers, I even watched friends go through that with their own fathers. But yet, it’s always the mother’s fault. Why? I don’t know.
With my situation, I’m not trying to blame him. He doesn’t want her, that’s that. I’m working on it and I know Caspar and I will be there for her when our daughter is trying to work through it. I honestly hope she grows up to not care and continues to accept that her daddy looks different than her. If only it were that easy.